When I Realized I’m Still a Child
Posted by: Christine on: November 7, 2009
- In: Boo| I'm Weird
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I learned yesterday that I’m not a grownup. Having a job doesn’t make me a grownup. Neither does turning 30. Or owning a car. Or whatever external indicators that prove that one is, indeed, an adult, and not just a lady-child who owns an inordinate amount of wrinkle cream.
Yesterday, Joe and I realized that we hadn’t gotten our mail in a while, even though my paycheck was in the box. Joe went downstairs to get it and did not return with a pile of mail. Instead, he returned with a slip that said we had to pick up our mail at the post office because our box was full.
The slip was dated October 30. Which means that our mailbox was full by October 30. Which means that I have no idea when the last time we checked our mail was.
… of course there were previous signs of my immaturity before the Great Mail Drought of ‘09. I can’t do my own taxes. I have forgotten to pay my credit card bill 3 times this year, and I surely have no clue about calculating its interest. We have no fresh produce in the house. And there’s an empty California Pizza Kitchen bag sitting on my dining room table. Next to a Boston Market bag. Next to a Bumble & Bumble bag from about 2 weeks ago.
It’s 1 p.m., and I still haven’t carted my behind to the post office. Instead, I’m blogging about going to the post office.
Because, apparently, I’m 13 years old.
Hooray for Hollywood!
Posted by: Christine on: November 1, 2009
The other day, I was walking down Hollywood Blvd to my class when a British gentleman, looking confused, stopped me.
“Excuse me,” he asked. “Are you from here?”
“Yes,” I replied warily. I hate talking to strangers in Hollywood as most of them are wacked out of their gourds.
He continued, “Is there a fancy part of the Walk of Fame, or is it all like… this?” he asked, gesturing to the grungy, litter-strewn sidewalk.
I felt a swell of pity. He came to Hollywood, land of movie stars, only to find a Walk of Fame that was more like a Walk of Homeless Dude’s Urine.
I shook my head. “It’s all like this,” I said. Then we held each other, weeping.
Probably Some Guy's Toilet
Mysoginist
Posted by: Christine on: October 31, 2009
- In: Boo| Women
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This guy (David Breitman) wrote this piece of garbage. Not only is it woman-hating and unfunny, it is poorly written (since when are killer whales “desperate for attention?”).
If anyone sees him out tonight for Halloween, pee on him a little. For me?
Creepy People on the Net
Posted by: Christine on: October 28, 2009
Look at what some psycho Gosselin stalker wrote to Momversation on Youtube:
Fuck you ugly ass hags! You best not talk about those kids or I will knock your head off your body ugly ass bitchy snobs.Your ugly pruny,old,creepy,slutty,and fake,go suck a dick.Haha you best not talk about them your pissing eevryone off.Go slut it up somewhere else.Faggy bitches.No one messes with me.I dont care if you talk about JON & Kate but the kids!??I love them oooh anyone knows me if you talk bad about aaden ooh you better be ready for your coffin.Ha
That’s, like, a verbatim quote.
Weird that one of my latest posts had to do with people taking things too seriously on the internet. This weirdo above wants to put someone in a “coffin” because she thinks that there are cuter kids than the Gosselins. Which there are. Have you seen my neph?
Put on Avail
Posted by: Christine on: October 26, 2009
Did I mention I was put on avail for a commercial? Fingers crossed. Not sure if I will be booked because I’ve done a commercial for this product before. At least I know they were happy with my performance!
UPDATE: ….aaaaaaaaaaaand I’m released. I’m not surprised for the reasons mentioned above, but I’m still bummed. I need the extra money!
I’m a Little Sick of Celebrity Moms
Posted by: Christine on: October 23, 2009
- In: Celebrity| Women| Writing
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Kourtney Kardashian, Kendra Wilkinson, Jenna Elfman, Heidi Klum. Everywhere you look it’s “bump watch!” from TMZ to news sites like CNN.com. I don’t have anything against celebrity moms in and of themselves. What I have a problem with is the fetishizing of mothers, particularly expectant mothers, in the media.
We all know that being pregnant is no easy ride, but you’d never guess that from reading Us Weekly. Celeb moms are polished, primped, and pretty, looking… well… like movie stars who just happen to have a beach ball tucked under their Marchesa dresses. And while celeb dads are covered in the media, they aren’t splashed across every magazine cover and baby blog in the universe. There are some male celebrities whom I have no idea even have kids. Meanwhile, I know how exactly how dilated Nicole Ritchie was when they brought her into the hospital. It’s like we all sort of own the celeb moms: every move is documented, from what they’re eating to who they’re wearing to where they’re shopping.
And if a woman isn’t currently pregnant, then the scandal sheets are eagerly pouncing on her every pooch. I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen Jennifer Aniston on the cover of OK! with a burrito in her belly being called pregnant. Poor Angelina is either “too skinny” or “with child.” And stories of wistful women stating that they can’t wait to have babies abound. Apparently, it’s not enough to be famous and talented; you also have to be a “yummy mummy:” fit, always happy, always wanting another babe. Otherwise, the celebrity must be defective…
Read the rest of the article about celebrity moms at Momversation.
Ashlee Simpson (ergh, -Wentz) Booted from Melrose Place
Posted by: Christine on: October 22, 2009
Ashlee Simpson-Wentz just released a statement to E! News about her departure from Melrose Place, saying, “Having the chance to play Violet on Melrose Place has been a thrill. Although I always knew her story would come to a final, insanely unpredictable end, playing a creepy, unstable character was something I always wanted to do, so I jumped at the chance. Thanks to the CW and the entire cast and crew of Melrose Place for allowing me this opportunity!”
UPDATE: Simpson-Wentz added, “Uh, it’s cuz of my acid reflux.”
20 Toys that Make You Go “Ouch!”
Posted by: Christine on: October 21, 2009
Another of my Momversation articles: Toys that make you go “ouch.”
Is Glenn Beck This Retarded?
Posted by: Christine on: October 21, 2009
- In: Idiots| Television| Video
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Glenn Beck is mad because TV shows are promoting volunteerism this week. His voice is dripping with disdain and sarcasm when he talks about how the Entertainment Industry Foundation wants to persuade people to commit acts of service more regularly. In his mind, if President Obama is for volunteerism, and TV shows go ahead with promoting service, then we are one step away from living in Mao’s China. I’m not exaggerating; that’s what he said. Apparently, TV shows promoting charitable acts equals the Cultural Revolution. Or something.
How can he get so het up and smug about… volunteering?
He really thinks he’s smart and funny. He’s dead wrong.
Starbucks Via Review
Posted by: Christine on: October 20, 2009
- In: Food| Review
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…Alchohol withdrawal or instant coffee?
…Why don’t I just bite the bullet and freebase instead?
…Now I know how Michael J. Fox feels.
…I didn’t need a regular heartbeat anyway.
…At least I’m getting my exercise…
Wocka, wocka!
