There’s about a billion television court shows out there.  Sure, the judges judge the cases, but who judges the judges?  Me.  I’m the judge.  JUDGE THAT.

6.  Judge Maria Lopez

Boy, does this show b to the low.  She sucks as a judge and is devoid of personality.  I think I’ve seen this show once, and I couldn’t figure out how it was even on the air.  It could be off the air right now for all I know.

5.  Judge Hatchett

I almost forgot she existed.  Not horrifyingly bad as Maria Lopez, Hatchett depicts herself as “compassionate,” which  equals illogical and boring.  With a name like “Hatchett,” you’d think she’d position herself as “tough;” it’s not brain science, people!  I’ve only watched this show a couple of times, probably while sick.  Beats Maria by having a semblance of a personality.

4.  Judge Mathis

He tries to be street and fails miserably.  Is known for being incredulous (“You mean to tell me that…”) and for letting idiots ramble on and on (ugh).  Another judge who just has no business trying to entertain the masses.  Guilty as charged!

3.  Judge Joe Brown

A friend of mine made up a slogan for this judge:  Judge Joe Brown gonna get yo ass… boyeeeeeeeee!  That’s apropos of nothing; I just thought I’d add that here.  For posterity’s sake.  Anyhoo, Judge Joe Brown isn’t a really good judge.  He isn’t a really good entertainer.  In fact, he seems bored by his show, by the people, and by the cases.  He seems like he just wants to go home, put his feet up, and eat a sandwich.  And that tickles me a bit.  I don’t like when he tries to act indignant or use slang.  Just be grumpy, Joe Brown.  That’s the way we like you.

2.  Judge Marilyn Milian

Sassy, brassy, with a nice… ahem, Judge Marilyn Milian of The People’s Court is not too shabby of a TV judge.  This Cuban-American is muy caliente, and I agree with most of her decisions.  She tends to let people talk too much, and she forces the insults a bit, but overall, the show is definitely watchable.  Too bad she’s saddled with awful format. (The man-on-the-street interviews with a bunch of know-nothings has to go!)  Bring back Doug Llewellyn; the guy they have hosting now sucks.

1.  Judge Judy

Was there any wonder who would be number one?  This lady is a personal hero of mine, and I say this without a shred of irony.  When I’m an old broad, I want to be like Judge Judith Sheindlin.  She’s got wit, power, smarts, guts, humor, and an amazing entrepreunerial spirit.  On her worst day, you won’t be smarter than her on your best day.  True dat.