PacifiCare Thinks I’m an Idiot

I cancelled my COBRA insurance mid-January because I had secured (finally) temporary medical insurance.  COBRA was expensive.  It cost me $475 a month just for myself.  The only way I was able to get other insurance was to get temporary coverage.  I will go on Joe’s insurance when we get married in June.

After I cancelled my insurance, I expected a speedy refund.  I called on January 20 (as I know now) and requested a refund.  I was told it would take 3-4 weeks from the cancellation date.  To date, I have not received my refund of almost $500.  PacifiCare did bill me for a penny, however.

I called today, asking about the refund.  I was told that I was owed the money, so she would send an email to the COBRA department and that the refund would take 3-4 weeks.  Here’s how the rest of the conversation went:

Me: OK, but this is like the 2nd or 3rd time I’ve called about this, and I have to wait 3-4 more weeks?

Rep:  I’m not showing that you called in my system.  Do you have a confirmation number for your calls?

Me [Thinking: They have confirmation numbers?]:  No, I didn’t think I’d need one.  Can I have the confirmation number for this call?

Rep [Gives me the number]: OK, Ma’am, do you have the dates of these calls?

Me:  No, she said she’d make a note.  Can you tell me when I last called?

Rep [Pause.]:  OK, Ma’am, I will go ahead and email the COBRA…

Me:  No, I asked you a question.  When do you have that I last called?

Rep [Pause.]:  Ma’am, I’m showing no calls.

Me:  No calls ever?

Rep:  That’s correct.

Me:  OK, well that’s impossible.

Rep [Pause.]:  OK, Ma’am, I can look at some other systems and see if there are any notes.

And magically there was the call!

So, I’ll wait the extra 3-4 weeks.  But if I don’t get the check by the end of April, they better Fed Ex it to me, or I will go APE &$*&@!!!!!!!

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