Finally, she thought. There it was, right in front of her. Senor Goldensteins, the first Jewish/Mexican restaurant located in Boardman, Ohio.
It’s more beautiful than I imagined, Karen whispered to herself as she stepped to the entrance. She pushed opened the ornate door (embossed with a dreidel AND a sombrero… was she in heaven?), and stepped inside.
Silence. Utter silence. The large entryway was dark, save for a menorah at the far end, lit up with plastic candles. Suddenly, Karen realized that she was cold. She took a tentative step forward…
Slam! The door shut suddenly behind her with a tremendous bar-oom! Her eyes opened wide, wider than the widest burrito.
“Wh-who’s there?” She called out. No answer. “I said, ‘Who’s there?!”
A low chuckle spread throughout the room, growing louder and echoing, until it seemed to fill Karen’s very soul.
“This isn’t funny!” she yelled. Her eyes welled, like an overfilled margarita glass. “I want some GD answers right NOW, mister!”
The smell then hit her nostrils, snaking its way into her brain. Gefilte fish! Woozy, she dropped to her knees.
“Noooo…” she moaned, clutching her Buy 1, Get 1 Free coupon as she sank to the floor.
Was it hours? Days? Karen’s eyelids fluttered open. She was in a room filled with pinatas. A man stood in front of the table upon which she was shackled, his face obscured by a Mexican wrestler mask (El Murcielago?).
“Who are you?” she gasped, her mouth dry like a bad fajita.
“Wrong question,” the man stated, his voice as deep as an endless bowl of carne asada.
“What am I doing here?” Karen asked.
“Bingo.” said the man.
Suddenly, the lights came on, and the room filled with people!!!
“Surprise!” yelled the group.
“Wh-what?” a confused Karen muttered.
“Well,” said her boyfriend Phil, “You didn’t want us to do the same thing as last year, did you?!”
“I guess not,” said Karen. “Now, order me up some beans and latkes! Mama is STARVING!”
Everyone laughed heartily. Not the man in the Mexican wrestler mask, though. He actually was a serial killer… and he was plotting.