I Send My Friends Fake Emails

Dear Rollin,
I don’t know if you remember me.  It’s Sharon from Camp West Okoboji Lake.  We both went there when we were 15.  We spent 2 weeks together, inseparable, making S’mores, learning archery, searching for dead bodies in the woods. One sweet night you got me high on fruit punch and stole my virginity.  You also made me a dreamcatcher out of swamp reeds and popsicle sticks.  It was a magical time.
Anyway, I never told you, but I got pregnant.  The baby is now 12, and he wants to meet you.  I named him Gunther, and he is what I’d charitably call “slow.”  Sometimes, he eats hair.  Would you like to meet him?  If not, can you at least make me another dreamcatcher?  Seems my original one must have been broken, what with the job at WalMart and all.  LOLOL.